Digitiser Via Digitext - The Online Teletext Simulator (2024)

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DIGITISER

470

Join Mr Biffo and friends in the digitiser section

Charts 474
Violet Berlin 475

KNIGHTMARE

458

Play the Knightmare Eagle Quest adventure: To The Ice Palace of Aesandre

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FULL DIGITEXT CONTENTS 101

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Guide/About........................ 102
UK/World News...................... 300
Bamboozle.......................... 452
Chess.............................. 453
Knightmare......................... 458
Digitiser.......................... 470
Turner the Worm.................... 496

Key:
To be implemented
Available

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HELP

To advance (quickly) through the pages, press right square bracket key (located near the enter key), otherwise the pages will move forward every minute

To pause a page press "h" and then again to unpause

To move to another page (like 470) just type it in

NIGHT NETWORK

From 12am till 6am the site will play easy listening music to simulate the closedown of TV from the early eighties. This was initially started by Ceefax (the BBC teletext service) but did get picked up by Teletext.

FASTTEXT

Fasttext now added. This helped to jump to pages quickly without the need to key in the numbers. Bamboozle used this to great effect - to see this key in 452.

REVEAL

To be implemented.

ABOUT

I originally wanted to write a Windows 95 simulator as a follow-on homage to LGR's DOS portion of website - https://www.lazygamereviews.com/prompt/. I figured it should work quite well with the advancement in javascript over the years and it meant that I could utilise more JS programming skills as I don't do much of that currently.

I didn't want to use jQuery as I would only be using a small portion of that code and I wanted to try and keep the site as tightly written as possible, without excessive code. I have seen another website that does use jQuery and interestingly that is based more on Ceefax rather than mine which is Teletext based. You can find the site here: https://worldofpaul.com/teletext/.

SO WHY DIGITISER?

Around 2017, Mr Biffo (Paul Rose) of Digitiser fame, surfaced back into the "limelight" and was attending retro gaming events talking about the old Digitiser days. I thought it'd be pretty cool to make an online teletext simulator using nothing but HTML, CSS and Javascript. This would be a cut down challenge from the Windows based one and so here we are.

You stand before Knightmare Castle. With you is Treguard, Master of the Quest.

"Welcome, Adventurer! Your quest will take you to the Great Northern Ice Field, a frozen realm inhabited by ferocious Polar Bears! You travel to rescue a captive maiden. I will aid you when I can: you will hear my voice at time of need. Hold to the adventurer's code:

Answer truthfully, choose wisely, use force only in direst need. And remember

Cheats never prosper!

Treguard indicates the northern trail. Pulling your cloak tightly about you, you stride into the freezing wind. Ahead you see a tall figure: it is Hordriss the Confuser, magician extraordinary.

"Imprecations! Is this the best Treguard could find? One doubts if you are wise enough for such a Quest: one will test you. Tell me, puny adventurer those who dwell in this land are known to outsiders as Eskimos. How are they more properly called?"

Hordriss shakes his head sadly.

"One's worst fears are confirmed. One must go and find another to undertake this task. Farewell, ignorant adventurer."

He turns and leaves you standing alone in the freezing wind as the snows fall more heavily around you.

You wander through the snow as it falls ever harder and harder. All paths vanish in the white torrent that swirls about you. You tire rapidly as the warmth drains from your body. After long, confused wandering you feel yourself losing consciousness and falling into the deep, soft snow.....

You have been found wanting. This time, your Quest may not succeed. But take courage. You have journeyed far and attempted that of which many only dream

Next time you set foot beyond the walls of Castle Knightmare, who knows whence your path may lead?

"Ah," says Hordriss, " an enlightened Adventurer. Remarkable! Listen then: one's foolish daughter Sidriss has been captured by Aesandre the Ice Sorceress. Her palace lies far to the North. She awaits my rescue mission and has set magic traps for me. She will not expect YOU. There is a slight chance you might get through...

"One gifts you with a spell: HEAT. You may use it only once. Good fortune!"

You set out across the ice sheet along the path Hordriss indicates. Soon he is lost behind and you can see nothing but ice and snow in every direction. The chill enters your bones and you shiver in every limb.

Then ahead you spot a small white dome: An igloo!

Do you:

The valley path is filled with snowdrifts and as you push forward you find the snow reaches your knees. The fur coat is weighed down by heavy ice. You step boldly forward onto a slab of ice. It gives way beneath you and frozen snow closes over your head...

"Oh dear," says Treguard. "Frosted Adventurer! And not a microwave in sight!"

Inside the igloo it is slightly warmer. You find a collection of objects left behind by the owner.

A sack. Opening it you find it to be full of greasy, smelly lumps of something unpleasant.

A pair of snowshoes.

A white fur coat.

Which do you take?

Wrapping the coat around you and feeling warm and snug, you step out into the snow again. Heading ever northwards, you come to a divide in the path. You may travel down the valley or along a high rocky ledge.

Which route do you take now?

You climb up above the snowy valley, across bare rock jutting through the ice. At the top of the rise you pause to look down...

And turn at a snarling sound behind you

A large polar bear is growling and forcing you back towards the edge of the ledge.

"Very tactless to go around wearing one of his relatives," whispers Treguard as you fall from the rock-face. Oh dear

Strapping the huge snowshoes onto your feet, step out into the snow again. Heading ever northwards you come to a divide in the path. You may travel down a valley or along a high rocky ledge.

Which route do you take now?

Slinging the weight of the of the sack over one shoulder, you step out into the snow again. Moving north again you come to a divide in the path. You may travel down a valley or along a high rocky ledge.

Which route do you take now?

You climb up above the snowy valley, across the rocks jutting out of the ice. At the top of the rise you pause to look down...

A hideous snarling sounds behind you.

A large polar bear is growling and forcing you back towards the edge of the ledge.

"Decide quickly," says Tregaurd. "He looks hungry."

The valley path is filled with snowdrifts and as you push forward you find the snow spilling over your snowshoes. Once or twice you feel the ice below shifting as you step onto solid-looking surfaces but moving carefully with your snowshoes you manage to make your way to the easier path beyond the valley.

You climb up above the snowy valley, across bare rock jutting through the ice. At the top of the rise you pause..

A hideous snarling sounds behind you.

A large polar bear is growling, forcing you back towards the edge of the ledge. It leaps towards you...

...and rips the sack from your back. As you hurry away Treguard whispers: "You may not like the smell - but some regard two-week old whale blubber as quite a delicacy!"

The valley path is filled with ever deeper snowdrifts and as you push forward you find the snow reaches to your knees. The heavy sack makes you sink deeper in.

As you step boldly forward onto a frozen slab it gives way beneath you and the freezing snows close over your head.....

"Oh dear," says Treguard. "Now you know how a frozen beefburger feels!"

You trip over the heavy snowshoes you are wearing as the bear pounces on you. You have a last impression of its mighty jaws, gaping wide....

"Oh dear," mutters Treguard. "Still never mind: think of it as doing your bit to preserve an endangered species."

You are temporarily refreshed, but the icy wind blows you harder from the north. Your fingers and toes go numb and your vision blurs. The icy cold extends its reach into your very lungs. It seems that you can go no further.

What do you do?

Summoning your last reserves, you push forward and suddenly the blizzard falters. Ahead of you is, miraculously revealed, the ice palace of the sorceress! Its crystal walls, carved from ice tower hundreds of feet into the air. Within, lie the captive - and the enemy!

A desperate final effort propels you to the entrance.

The spell conjures a glowing ball of red light. You step through it and an invigorating rush of warmth floods your limbs and seems to cause the blizzard to falter for a moment. Ahead of you is suddenly revealed the ice palace of the sorceress! Its walls, carved from ice, tower hundreds of feet into the air. Within, lie the captive - and the enemy

You make for the entrance.

Inside the palace, a great hall of ice stretches out before you. At the far end Aesandre stands on a high platform beneath a glittering ice-chandelier. Beside her, frozen in a block of ice is Sidriss.

"So," cries Aesandre, "That old fool Hordriss thinks he can outwit me by sending a young fool in his place. Absurd!"

She raises her hands above her head: she is casting a spell! Do you:

Tregaurd whispers in your ear: "You used your only spell outside. Do you think you can cheat the Quest?"

A bolt of magic force strikes you as you stand there dithering and blackness falls around you.

"And thus fail all who try to cheat their fate." Tregaurd adds. "Be off with you!"

"So," cries Aesandre, "that old fool thinks he can outwit me by sending a young fool in his place. Absurd!"

And she raises her hands above her head to cast a spell at you. What do you do?

How would the Lib Dems raise £27bn more a year?

The Lib Dems say they’ll tax banks and tech giants, and won’t increase National Insurance, income tax or VAT.

However, the Institute for Fiscal Studies (IFS) said that by focusing on taxing banks, energy companies and tech giants, “many of these tax rises are intended to look ‘victimless’ – but of course they are not”.

“We are already raising more from taxing companies than at any time in decades,” the IFS noted, adding that “there are clear risks that [the Lib Dems’] package of tax measures would not raise the £27bn a year that they claim”.

An extra £7bn from tax avoidance and evasion?

It’s also worth noting that £7.2bn of this £27bn is revenue the Lib Dems hope to raise from “giving HMRC (HM Revenue & Customs) the resources it needs to properly tackle tax avoidance and evasion”.

The party said it would narrow the £36bn tax gap – the difference between the amount of money HMRC is owed and the amount it actually receives – by investing an additional £1bn a year into the department.

It expects this will yield £7.2bn in return. This is based on the assumption that every £1 spent will raise £9 in tax revenue that would otherwise be lost to the exchequer. This assumption comes from comments made by Jim Harra of HMRC in November 2022.

But as FactCheck has previously reported, there are questions over whether any government could get this kind of return on its investment in HMRC.

We put this figure to the IFS in April, when Labour made a similar claim on the basis of Jim Harra’s comments – promising to spend £555m for a £5bn reward.

Deputy director Helen Miller told FactCheck at the time that although “additional investment in HMRC would likely raise revenues”, “there is uncertainty around exactly how much could be raised for each additional £1 of investment in HMRC”.

She said a Labour government “may find that their proposed £555 million of investment into HMRC does not yield the additional £5 billion they are targeting by the end of the next parliament”.

This means plans from the Lib Dems to raise just over £7bn from clamping down on tax avoidance by investing an additional £1bn a year into HMRC could also be in doubt.

A spokesperson for the Liberal Democrats told FactCheck: “Under our plans, we would ensure that day-to-day spending does not exceed the amount raised in taxes.

“We have therefore set out clearly how we plan to raise the additional revenue to pay for our increases in current spending, such as reversing the Conservatives’ tax cuts for the big banks and imposing a proper windfall tax on the super-profits of oil and gas companies.”

They added that “there is uncertainty around any economic and fiscal forecasts”, but the party has “taken a cautious approach to estimating the revenues from our tax policies” and is “confident that they would raise the amounts set out in our costings”.

(Image credit:Dinendra Haria/LNP/Shutterstock)

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FactCheck: Reform UK’s employer immigration tax explained

The Reform party has announced plans for an “employer immigration tax” on companies that choose to employ overseas workers instead of British citizens.

FactCheck takes a look.

What is Reform’s employer immigration tax plan?

National insurance is a tax paid by employees and employers.

Reform announced on 30 May a plan to require businesses to pay a national insurance “premium” if the worker is from overseas.

Richard Tice, who was then the party’s leader, said “if you want to employ people, non-British passport holders, then we think it’s perfectly reasonable that you pay a premium on National Insurance, so actually what you should pay is National Insurance of 20 per cent”.

This would be up from the current rate of 13.8 per cent, which is paid regardless of where people are from.

But Mr Tice said there would be exemptions for businesses employing five people or fewer, and for health and social care.

He also said the party believes that “over one electoral cycle that this employer immigration tax will raise over 20 billion pounds”, but that this “varies of course depending on how quickly employers adjust their recruitment processes”.

We asked Reform how it reached this figure but it is yet to provide an answer.

How would this tax work and what could the consequences be?

Mandeep Khroud, partner and head of immigration at Irwin Mitchell Solicitors, told FactCheck that the intention behind Reform’s plans is “to encourage these firms to prioritise the employment of British staff” and that they “could be viewed as discriminatory”, which “may potentially lead to legal challenges and claims of discrimination in the Employment Tribunal”.

She also explained that if this policy was implemented, “UK firms struggling to recruit for positions within their organisation may have no choice but to establish companies in other countries”, which would allow companies to hire the most suitable candidates for the job, who would then only enter the UK for business meetings and other similar purposes.

“Such a shift could have a negative impact on the UK economy not only from an application-fees-based revenue for the UK government perspective but also in respect of employability rates across the country,” the lawyer added.

We also spoke to Ben Brindle, from the Migration Observatory at the University of Oxford. He told us the government already charges companies who hire workers from overseas under the Immigration Skills Charge. It could be that the proposed Reform plans would be implemented under this scheme, as changing an existing policy would be easier than changing the tax system, he noted.

Mr Brindle also said “most economists would expect that higher charges would reduce employers’ demand for migrant workers,” but this depends on whether firms can pass the costs onto migrants through lower wages.

If they can, “migrant workers would be a bit poorer and the government would generate additional funding, but hiring patterns wouldn’t change all that much,” he added.

But, if employers can’t pass these costs on, “then it would likely lead to reduced hiring of migrant workers,” he said, adding that the extent to which any of these occur “would depend on the specific job in question”, for example how easy it is to train UK-based workers for that role.

Harry Qiu Yu Yu, immigration solicitor and associate at law firm Russell-Cooke, told FactCheck that he’s previously seen “such ‘cost-upping’ strategies fail to achieve their objectives”.

The Home Office has increased visa costs multiple times in the last 10 years, which he said has resulted in “draconian costs for employers and in some cases migrant workers”.

Like Mr Brindle, he also pointed to the Immigration Skills Charge, which can cost up to £5,000 for a 5-year work visa, and noted that despite this “migration figures are still at an all-time high and record numbers of work visas are still being granted”.

But Ms Khoudra also noted that at present, government charges can amount nearly £12,000 to employ a foreign national for a period of five years, because on top of the £5,000, there’s also immigration health surcharges and other costs.

Mr Brindle thinks, however, that introducing a new employer immigration tax is “unlikely to deter many employers from hiring overseas labour”, as the market it’s “already by no means ‘cheap’ and is oftentimes highly competitive”.

Although Rom Bhandari, senior lecturer in Law at the University of East London, told FactCheck that “for industries dependent upon the positive contribution of foreign workers – like hospitality and agriculture – it would prove devastating for the economy and only lower the UK’s international reputation”.

Reform was approached for comment.

The Conservative party was also approached for comment.

(Image credit:Victoria Jones/Shutterstock)

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What do Tory heartland voters want? A view from East Sussex

The election campaign rumbles on with the polls continuing to show a Labour majority as the likeliest outcome.

To get a sense of public opinion we’ve been deep into the traditional Tory heartlands of East Sussex to board the historic Bluebell railway.

Minnie Stephenson: A trainspotter’s paradise as the Bluebell Railway canters through the Sussex countryside in a Conservative stronghold. We’re jumping on board to ask a captive audience whether the general election has been an exhilarating ride so far, or not dissimilar to a delayed train from hell.

We meet Jo, a self-confessed leftie living in a Tory area.

Jo Quarcoopome: Basically, I’m sick to the back teeth of all of them. I think they’re out of touch because it’s the Westminster bubble, that they’ve got into a kind of habit of behaving as though they’re some sort of debating society.

Minnie Stephenson: For Jo, the cult of personality is just a distraction from the issues she wants sorted.

Jo Quarcoopome: Crumbling social services. Crumbling public services. Housing scandal that’s been going on for absolute decades. The environment. Cost of living. Just about everything, really. It seems as though nothing works properly anymore.

Minnie Stephenson: A couple of carriages along, Collette and Graham’s is a 20-year love affair, a meeting of hearts and political minds.

Colette: We met in the UK and I shut him out. I said come to my party.

Minnie Stephenson: However, do not mention the B-word to this Anglo-French couple.

What did you think of Brexit?

Colette: It’s terrible. A terrible mistake for anybody. Are you happy to wait in line at Dover to show your passport, to be fingerprinted like a criminal when you go to Europe? And are you happy to do that? That’s Brexit.

Graham: For the bulk of it all, I’ve been voting Conservative. What has put me off this time, I think that Sunak and Starmer are nice men, I’m not sure how either of them has got the temperament to run the country. But I think it’s going to be Labour, frankly, to be honest with you, and hope for the best.

Minnie Stephenson: Somewhat nervous laughter from a Labour convert. As the train rolls into the station, it’s time for some soul searching with its driver, Russell.

Russell Pearce:I am looking at who is going to secure the country, who’s going to save us from these right-wing nutjobs who are in power at the moment, who’s going to save the media from right-wing interference.

Minnie Stephenson: How do you think Rishi Sunak’s doing so far in the general election?

Russell Pearce: Well, the bloke’s just incompetent, isn’t he? He’s got no empathy with the common man. Multimillionaire. He can have no idea what it’s like to manage on a limited budget. And he’s shown no sign of being able to manage it well, still.

Minnie Stephenson: Tell us what you really think, Russell?

Russell Pearce:I could tell you what I really think, if you like.

Minnie Stephenson: We’re saved by the whistle as the train sets off again when we meet Anthony, who is a Tory voter but was disappointed with Rishi Sunak’s French exit on D-Day.

Anthony McLaughlan:I thought he was terrible at D-Day. That was not acceptable. And as an ex-air force officer, I can tell you it didn’t go down well. Apart from that, he came out better in the argument with Sir Keir Starmer.

Minnie Stephenson: For the Lancs family, election night will be a sleepless night, and not just because they have a toddler.

Dan Lancs: I’ll stay up all night for it with a couple of friends.

Minnie Stephenson: Will you really?

Dan Lancs: I will, can’t wait

Minnie Stephenson: You’re going to do an all-nighter?

Dan Lancs: We’ll eat some pizzas, eat some crisps, stay up all night.

Minnie Stephenson: What is revving you up about this general election?

Dan Lancs: If I’m honest, it’s about seeing the end of 14 years. I haven’t loved it. I think it’s about time we had a change. I just want grown-ups in the room again.

Jenny Lancs: Even some middle-class families are struggling and are at food banks. What must it be like for people who wouldn’t call themselves middle class?

Minnie Stephenson: Clearly there’s no such thing as the quiet zone on this train. Emerging out of the smoke, could there be a change in direction in this Tory heartland?

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IDF ‘tactical pause’ to allow Gaza aid criticised by Israel leader Netanyahu

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has criticised the army for its decision to pause its military offensive along the main road in southern Gaza.

The Israel Defence Forces have said the daily ‘tactical pause’ will be observed between 8 in the morning and 7 at night, to allow desperately needed aid in through the Kerem Shalom crossing.

But it insists its military offensive will continue in Rafah to root out Hamas.

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Bamber Boozler poses another 12 questions. Answer using fasttext at the bottom. One wrong and you must try again.

Can you answer all 12 in one attempt?

Press RED to begin

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Sam Rockwell is 52 this month, but in what film did he play a small role as a head thug with the line: "Regular or Menthol?"

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Red:Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles

Green:Clownhouse

Yellow:The Last Exit to Brooklyn

Cyan:Strictly Business

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Super Mario World is 30 this month. Which new character is introduced?

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Red:Toadstool

Green:Bowser

Yellow:Yoshi

Cyan:Wario

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What do the initials HAL for the HAL 9000 computer mean in the film 2001: A Space Odyssey?

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Red:Hateful Artificial Lifeform

Green:Heuristically programmed ALgorithmic computer

Yellow:Hardware AI Language

Cyan:Highly Advanced Language

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Which board game is played with teams of players trying to identify specific words from their teammates’ drawings?

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Red:Scattegories

Green:Charades

Yellow:Pictionary

Cyan:Sketchy

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What is the chemical symbol for silver?

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Red:Ag

Green:Au

Yellow:Al

Cyan:Pb

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Bad luck!

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YOU'VE BEEN BAMBOOZLED

Do you wish to play again? If so, press red below

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In regards to beer, what does IPA stand for?

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Red:Independently Pumped Ale

Green:Independently Produced Ale

Yellow:Indian Pale Ale

Cyan:Indian Produced Ale

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What type of farm did Taylor Swift grow up on?

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Red:Ranch

Green:Flower Farm

Yellow:Micro Farm

Cyan:Christmas Tree Farm

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Who was Henry VIII's last wife?

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Red:Catherine Howard

Green:Catherine Parr

Yellow:Anne of Cleves

Cyan:Jane Seymour

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What is the lifespan of a dragonfly?

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Red:12 hours

Green:8 hours

Yellow:24 hours

Cyan:48 hours

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Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz and which other film make up the Three Flavours Cornetto Trilogy?

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Red:Run Fatboy Run

Green:The World's End

Yellow:Paul

Cyan:Big Nothing

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Which famous boxer could "float like a butterfly" and "sting like a bee"?

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Red:Muhammad Ali

Green:Mike Tyson

Yellow:Frank Bruno

Cyan:Evander Holyfield

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What is the nickname of the character played by Morgan Freeman in Shawshank Redemption?

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Red:Blue

Green:Green

Yellow:Brown

Cyan:Red

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Well done! How many did you get right first time? Check your rating below

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